Homesick

"We will be moving in 3 months."

A hard, painful, sudden thud hit me, right on the chest. I can't feel my heart beat anymore. It stopped. It literally stops...for a second. All I want to do as soon as I hear those words was to cry. I was so crumpled up with all the sudden emotions, and I kept on questioning people, why?

It's been a year after I moved. I was so happy and jolly, I thought everything was going right, until that day...decisions were made, and all I can do is to nod, fight my feelings, and do what I have to do. I didn't want to move, I have absolutely no idea of how this all new moving thing will look like. "How will it change me, how will my life be, how does the people there look like, will they like me? Will I fit in? What about the people back here? Will things be awkward, will I lose them? What if..." Those thoughts killed me, and my mind went all blurry, terrified to experience this new thing. I only have 3 months to enjoy those last seconds with the loved ones, the closest people in my life; my whole family, my best friends, my dearest class generation....and I did..

After 3 months, as horrifying as reality sounds, I moved..I really moved. Getting to get on with this new journey, it turned out that it is not as scary as I thought it would be. I like it here, people are so friendly, welcoming, kind. I could see smiles here and there, it's safe, I feel comfortable here, and thankfully, I get to meet new friends that accepts me for who I am. This new atmosphere makes me realize that sometimes, we need to experience the new world, not just in where we're familiar of, but outside of it, a completely new world. I learned about the culture, tasted delicious, mouthwatering food, learned a bit of the language. It's interesting, and so far, I'm good with all this.

This whole thing starts to become something usual for me, but sometimes...there are moments where I feel homesick, and all I want to do is to go home. Blame me for being too sentimental at times, but just like what they say, "home is where the heart is." and I guess no other place is better than home. I'm thankful that I still be able to be with both my mom and dad here, but I also miss waking up at my house, my room in which I've slept in for years, going to my school which I have studied at for 9 years, meeting all my best buddies, generation, all that. I miss it, I miss them, I miss everything so much. If only I could turn back time and stop it right there, make the best out of what I have left, enjoy every single moment I spend with them...sigh, I wish I could. 

Fighting with this feeling all along, I captured positive sides from being away from home, though I really miss being back there. I realize that I get to know who will be the ones that stay true to me even in distance, the ones that will always be there and listen to everything I have in mind. Everything, literally. It makes me want to talk to everybody back there every single day, keep in touch with them, and wait for that one day where I return and visit them. And again, I'm thankful that I still have them by my side, though not literally, but I have them to count on. Without them I'm nothing, but as cheesy as it sounds, it's true.

Homesick is a terrible feeling, but I wouldn't mind experiencing this for the better, and to wait until the time comes, where I will really come back home. Until then, I'll try my best to enjoy seconds of this new journey :)

Home is where the heart is.